every page of my life.

"A very small degree of hope is sufficient to cause the birth of love." -Stendhal(1783-1842 French) read this somewhere a long long time ago, and it constantly pops up on my mind now and then. not just love but many things around you. you see hope everywhere. be it that poor little girl on tv living in poverty eagerly learning in a so-called classroom aspiring to grow up as a doctor and live a better life. or that lady with red swollen eyes sitting on the chair outside the waiting room in the hospital with her hands clenched tight in prayers. or that man on the street walking out of a betting station with that ticket in his hand, smiling gleefully to himself. why? just because, it's hope that keeps you going.

You ask me if I love you and I choke on my reply. I'd rather hurt you honestly than mislead you with a lie. everyone's talking about how it's only the first week of prelims and it's already so draining. i'm sick of all these complains. and all the people around me telling me they are sad or depressed or stressed, while i feel like i'm obliged to say something or do something to make them feel better. but i can't, i have nothing . because i'm all that too. i need some positive people around me rather than all the negative aura. i cant always be the happy person around. what's the point of whining that you cant finish studying and then proceed to sit around. seriously, testing my patience. sigh, can't we just work hard together and go through this together? i dont need sweet words or brilliant advices. all i need is a simple word of encouragement when i'm feeling i cant made it. is that too much to ask for? it's okay, i shall be my own moti...

i promise myself i'll only read after the 'A's, and i will. so far i've been keeping the promise but there is a growing list of books i so wanna read. no, i shall not succumb to temptations. oh well, back to studying. studying, studying. i've this growing urge to cut my hair short.

do you know it's august already? stumbled against someone's blog just now. so i admit i was snooping around, reading some of her past entries :x but with a healthy curious mind, not with any ill intention! i think blog is quite interesting actually, it's like an online secret-but-not-so-secret diary. it allows people to know how your mind works, and you get to see another side of them. :] i mean 'cause humans are not exactly straight forward and we dont have the super power to read minds too. sooooooo, as i said, it's interesting. but well, there's always a flipped side to things and i'm not going into that. what i read just now was pretty heart warming :] so then i went back to read some of my past entries, and it was pretty intriguing too. shant say why, ho. oh and i notice a trend, i seems to always fall sick almost once a month. be it cough, flu, fever or gastric. and i proudly announce i'm sick today D: i've got a fever but it's not my fault...

i'm a happy girl today :D 'cause i watched UP! the old couple was so sweet, and i want somebody like that too. watching clouds in the sky, till we are old and gray.

i wanna watch UP. i wanna lay on the field at night, looking at stars in the sky. i wanna go for a walk, surrounded by the greens. we dont have to talk, we can just walk. letting time flows by us. if i am brave enough, i would have long gone alone. and enjoy all the time in the world to myself. but i'm not. maybe someday i will. why do every simple thing have to become so complex? i'm sick of this really.

you tell yourself you shouldnt do it, you know you shoudnt do it, but you still did.