every page of my life.

the last day of school is over, it's holidays now. A level chinese is over. & i thought i will be overjoyed, but nooo. there's still op. dang. & i still thought it all ended on the day when sch ended, but no, have to see them tmr. zz there goes my non-existent(yet!) great holiday plan. they can always find a way to ruin my day, great . emotions overloaded but sadly all negative thoughts. the world is grey, grey, grey to me now. i cant find my place of belonging. sadly but true. it's amazing how you can feel so alone with a whole sea of people around you, isnt it?

my tooth hurtssssssssssssssssssssssss. )); i think i will have another nightmare tonight about my tooth dropping. shucks. the grass always seems greener on the other side, dont you think? seriously, i miss those nights.

i was all ready to do a decent post with all the pretty funny photos, but the site just wasnt cooperating. oh well, guess i have to make do with what i have. tribe 8 had combined tribe dinner with tribe 7 today at pizza hut lot 1. brilliant shawn-the-organiser suggested to go pizza hut when he couldnt eat cheeeeeeeese. wow. anyway we waited for all the latecomers to arrive before we ordered. tribe eight attendance was 11/18. not too bad actually. tribe 7's, i'm not sure but around ten too. plus ivan from tribe 9. so we were such a large grp we need to seperate into two tables. ): i bet the pizza hut staffs must hated us coz we were very noisy and we kept blocking the way, oops. we even kept taking photos. no choice cause the guys were all total camwhores. LOL after dinner, we decided to go bowling at csc. some played pool while waiting for an available lane. i think bowling is a much more lively game than pool, more laughters and such, probably due to the environment. but i can...

i skipped school today coz i figured i need some time to think and sort out my thoughts and feelings. and i predict it will yet be another miserable day watching the clock ticked by if i had gone to school. fact is, i just dont want to deal. you may call it the avoidance tatic or whatever, i dont care. oh well, i must say i'm feeling much better today. well rested and i finally completed my I&R and handed it up. & i took the time to complete some little errands of mine which i have meant to do. i appreciate all those walks with only me and my music in my ears. so i can say i am a tad happier than yesterday. i think this is probably just a phase. i will prolly get over it soon enough. i've been going off form for all the wrong reasons.

school is getting unbearable nowadays. the problem isnt with the school work, it's with the company which is considered none. i cant deal with these people any longer, they seriously pissed me off. like seriously. i totally feel like lashing them in their face. but no, i dont want to create a scene and they are not worth my effort. oh well, 3 more days of school and i shall be free. temporarily . today i was thinking and this popped up in my head. everyone is actually in a box. and everyone's box is always pasted with one label by others. say the label may be nerd, geek, weirdo, mugger, slacker, whatever you can think of. and people will always deem you as what they label you. like a mugger cant be sporty, and it's impossible for a slacker to get good result. so meaning this person cant do something that is out of the box. & i think this is super irritating but well, tt's how everyone judge everyone else, especially in school. & it is so superficial. okay, i do...

i didnt go to school today. because today is sports carnival and my class aint participating in any event. oh well, now i feel a little guilty and regretful coz seems like everyone had fun. instead i went to kbox with my sis. it was a long awaited trip, we had been talking abt going since like forever, but our schedule just forever dont match. it's been long, i sang till my voice became hoarse. ha! she let me post this only becoz it's blur. now you see how not alike we are. tt's about it. i'm tired already. & i havent completed a single thing i promised myself i would. firstly now, I&R is the top piority.

today was fun, finally a fun after-school day. it's been such a long time since i stayed back after school and talk. at first it was at the canteen, then it shifted to the track there. random combination, such a nice feeling~ was talking to shawn about the camps and everything else. and i really missed F3! felt that during the recent camp too especially during all the song singing part. and i came to realise a whole lot of things. i had this really weird feeling going to sch today. it felt like it's been such a long time since last friday when i had lessons, but in actual fact just a weekend has passed. guess it's more like i've been through a lot of events thus the feeling. i feel like blogging down every single moments of the camp down coz each moment is memorable. i missed the camping feeling~ shall edit this if i feel like it, shall do a super long and detailed post about the camp. cheerios people! i want to talk at the track again. p.s: 300th post here. :]

it's the little gestures that make the difference. & the little gestures that touch others. hello people, i'm back from camp! & when i came back home i didnt even sleep. i survived but this camp wasnt tough compared to all the other previous camps i have been to. it's been long and i really love the camping feeling. the water games even at 5am in the morning this time, the mass dance & even slow dance this time, & the foam party under the starry night this time. though with different ppl came different feelings. but this camp wasnt all about fun, it is a rewarding one where i learnt a lot. seriously a whole lot. because somehow this is the first time i really feel like i'm leading, and more or less in control. becoming more vocal and making decision. being more daring to speak out, being a little more confident. tt's what i have hoped to learn since the very first time i joined camp as a facilitator. & i must really really thank tribe EIGHT ! bec...

today was like the slackest day, watched the minority report during gp. i think it's nice though some parts makes me jump. we spent the break after gp and pw lesson to finish the movie. ended up pc was cancelled. =.= so actually we could have just gone home at 1pm. oh well, at least i finished a movie today. backtrack to ytd, had op 2nd rehearsal, i think i did worser than the first time coz i wasnt ready. anyway, it's over. then was the first class excursion! it was actually learning journey to the Peranakan Museum. but we were behaving like kids gng on excursion, all being so excited. :D it was quite fascinating except that the time there was too too short. it's like quick quick, see see, look look, take photos take photos, go to next exhibition. i dont even have time to read to know what i'm looking at. the atmosphere at some exhibitions was kind of eerie. & i jus looked at some of the photos i took, kind of scary too. HA. especially this one! this is actually t...

my weekend shldnt be like this. shldnt end just like this. i dont know why but i'm feeling very unsettled now. like there's something i need to do, i have to complete, if not i wont have time to do it already. but i have no idea what it is! argh~! this is super irritating. like you cant relax properly, like you cant do anything properly. like a rock there weighing you down. i feel like i'm wasting my life away again. why?

someone makes my day or night today coz he gave me a bag of big lollipops and sweets. :D it was just a casual remark but he really did it and it was much more than expected. so thankyou. and thanks chongwai for specially being the delivery man. :] tkd training today was pretty fun, that's what i thought. we did footwork which i thought was in a way funny(i like the birdlike jumping jack especially), then we practise some kicks using the targets lined up in a line, did the run-in-a-round thing like a domino, then we practise again using others as target and wearing the padding. i like today's training most coz it's training basics using innovative way. however, our attitude wasnt so good today or ever. sir eric talked to us after the training, he asked whether we felt it's boring today coz he says it's all mundane stuffs but it's not boring! (in my opinion) he wanted to have some kind of heart-to-heart talk but it was hard lah, especially with a big group of ppl ...

i dont understand i dont understand i dont understand. this is irritating irritating irritating. why must everybody make things so complicated? guessing the intention behind others' actions, interpreting it their own ways. this is all their assumptions, their thoughts. i know i can just dont listen to these. but tell me, who can ignore what others say? even if you pretend not to care, somewhere in you, you know you do, even just a little bit. so you brood, you think & put yourself in misery. vexed or what? i hate making decisions. i hate people who diss and put down people, and force people to think their way. even if you dont like, there's no need for you to put down the interests of others. that's just plain irritating. tsk. school is so depressing nowadays. no motivation. there's nothing and nobody who makes my day. everything feels like an obligation. i feel like skipping school everyday. i need a break, seriously.

we are going to the zoo, zoo, zoo! how about you, you, you? you can come too, too, too! WE ARE GOING TO THE ZOO, ZOO, ZOO! woohoo~ super high due to after effect of today. i've been singing this song since pam brought up the idea of gng to the zoo. LOL and corina & doreen also know how to sing! then we kept singing it today in the zoo. LOL it's been AGES since i last went to the zoo, i think when i'm in primary school? anyway, it's the company that matters. :] today is such a busy and packed day. supposed to go for grading, zoo THEN tutoring. the time coordination was giving me a headache the whole day, lucky i manage to postpone the tutor session. phew. so i went to toa payoh sports hall early in the morning for grading. grading was okayyy but my side kicks felt weird. and i kind of pulled something in my leg ytd during training so it hurts when i kick and i cant really lift. zz but i think i did ookay though can be better. had lunch with the tkd ppl then off to cc...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MR CHIA! so we went back to fuhua ytd to visit him and send him his birthday greetings and present. end up we chatted with him for hours. it was a nice chat though with some awkward pauses. learnt alot about mr chia and got a little closer with him. :D wanted to take a photo with him but we missed the chance, so yea. then we played captain ball and took photos. normal photo first before someone suggested jump shots. it felt like a walking day for me ytd but it was all nice walks. :] grading tmr, last training today. learnt alot today, corrected my kicks and improve on my pattern. i hope tmr i do fine. wish me luck! so photos: a normal shot first. some left first. yay! jump! jump shots produce spastic faces. look at kok's spastic face! :DD

guess what? i kinda just woke up coz i fell asleep from around 8+ to 1.30am, even to the extent of forgoing dinner. actually they asked me to go to shenn's hse today but i was just too tired. if i stayover today, i will probably die knocked out. consecutively gone out every day since promos ended, so tmr is my holiday and rest day. ha let's start rewinding from today. today went for macau meeting/celebration after school. great seeing everyone gathered together after so long. :DD i missed the macau times, man. life was so carefree and worry-free then. then went for tkd training. barely trained and it ended. i'm worried for my grading man, my pattern and especially my kicks. boo! then ytd, monday (29/9). impromptu dinner dater with charm'd. is i randomly suggest de then really turned into a gathering. our impromptu plan always work but our planned plan might not always work. HA it's been long since our last gathering coz everyone are just too busy. ate at crystal ja...